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Brightside Funerals

BRIGHTSIDE FUNERALS

A 15 minute comedy serial drama written by Patrick MacDonald

Brightside Funerals will first air on the 29th April 2020 at 7pm and on the last Wednesday of every month thereafter.

The Colonel, an ex-military man, has fallen on hard times.  He lives on his estate with his new wife Olga, who he acquired through a dating site, his children Laurel and Hardy and their butler, James.  They decide to start a new business to enable them to help maintain their stately home, which needs constant repair.  The characters in this very funny series are:-

The Colonel – played by Ben West

In his early sixties, having served in the army, attaining the rank of Captain. He’s happy to let everyone believe he was a Colonel.  Fond of hunting and shooting on his estate, but his real passion is his model railway set.  Catchphrases: Hally Hoo (deliberate mispronunciation of Tally Ho) and Is the train in the tunnel? The butler introduces guests to the Manor by sounding the kill tune on his horn. He also uses this to call people to meals. The Colonel now allows the public to visit the house and gardens to try and improve its finances. The private parts of the house and gardens are roped off to prevent access to the public. The housemaid though, is continually removing these because they get in the way of her hoovering and cleaning which means members of the public can sometimes be found straying into bedrooms and the dining room. The Colonel’s two children are named after his favourite comedy duo, Laurel and Hardy.

The Colonel’s wife, Olga – played by JackieTevlin

Olga is Bulgarian and there is a strong suspicion she is a mail order bride. She has little English, is very intimidating, and everyone is afraid of her, including the Colonel. It’s her idea to set up a funeral business. She also has very fixed ideas on the funeral arrangements for customers and insists on her ideas taking precedence. Catchphrase: “It’s what they would have wanted.” She calls Hardy Noodles and Laurel, Pumpkin; the suspicion is that “Noodles” is short for Noodles for brains and “Pumpkin” is an inference that Laurel is overweight. In reality, Laurel is slim and attractive, whilst Olga herself is on the plump side. Olga is jealous of Laurel and treats her as a competitor for the Colonel’s affections.

Laurel – played by Jacqui Powell

Laurel is in her mid-twenties and believes herself to be very spiritual.  She insists she can hear the voices of the dead and that everyone has an aura. She runs her own business on the estate giving massages and performing Reiki

Hardy – played by Roger Emms

Hardy is in his late twenties, is the beneficiary of a trust fund from his Uncle and has never worked. He spends most of his time on the golf course.

James, The Butler played by Patrick MacDonald

James is in his eighties. He does everything extremely slowly and is overly fastidious. He insists on cleaning the General’s shoes whilst he is still wearing them, lifting people’s plates while they are still eating so he can remove crumbs from the table, and taking their wine away so the glasses can be cleaned before they have finished.

Ad Hoc Female characters played by Tina Yates

Ad Hoc Male characters played by Tim Hooper